Saturday, September 24, 2022

Dear Gus, I'm Lonely and Frustrated


Dear Grizzly: Dennis is the menace when it comes to marriage

I could do without the sex if I had his affection.

I am a 68-year-old widow, and I care very much for a 68-year-old divorced gentleman. We don’t want to get married because it would upset our families, and there also are financial considerations against it. 

Dennis and I both feel a strong sexual need, but his religious beliefs say it is morally wrong to have sex outside of marriage. I could do without the sex if I had his affection. However, he is incapable of showing affection without it leading to sex, so he wants us just to be good friends. I need to be held and loved. Is there any answer?


DEAR HORNY AND FRUSTRATED: That you and Dennis could find love and romance in the autumn of your life is so [sniff] beautiful, though the image of you two senior citizen geezers bumping uglies in a wrinkle-fest totally creeps me out. When I was younger, I thought sex after sixty was like time-travel… sure, in theory it is possible, but no one really expects it to happen. Now that I too am in my sixties, even thinking about it gives me a headache… time-travel, that is. Sex after sixty just makes me sweaty and dizzy. Technically, sex outside of marriage is morally wrong but at your age that becomes as serious as littering or going over the speed limit. If I were Dennis, I wouldn’t be turning down and geriatric goings on; no telling how long you’re going to live, but that’s me.

 Maybe Dennis has deep psychological issues you are not aware of. Do you really want to marry this duffer and then find out he wants you to come to bed with rubber gloves, a flashlight, and a can of Crisco? What if he wants you to rub baby power on his little touchy, dress him in diapers for adults, then spank him because he’s been a naughty boy? Oh, so that is also just me?

 By the way, who cares what your family thinks. Trust me, all they are worried about is when you drop dead, all the money would end up going to Mr. Wrinkle Muffin. If you’ve found someone at sixty-eight that is willing to see you naked, that’s what I call true love!

 Signed: Grizzly ‘good time; Gus


 Dear Grizzly, is written by Gustaf Alford Grizzard, and was created a ways back. If you want nice and sweet advice for your problems - write Dear Abby. If you want someone to tell you like it is, contact ‘Dear Grizzly’ at email:


DISCLAIMER: The opinions and comments expressed by Grizzly Gus, are not necessarily those of management. As far as management is concerned, if the State Board of Mental Health saw fit to release him, then let them be responsible. Do not write to Dear Grizzly if you are experiencing really serious problems but seek professional help. Grizzly Gus holds no certifications or training. He is not even qualified to ‘speak’ to anyone, much less give advice: even his poetic license was revoked.



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